April 8, 2020
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FREEZE FRAME! Oh *puts down drink* oh *Mark starts dancing like a goofy goof he is* *incredible dance intro* *incredible dance intro intensifies and LOOK AT THOSE MOVES* *wait Mark DON’T!!!* UGH OW *you okay there?* ah *exhales* Hey… I’m out of breath now Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier I’m out of breath Welcome to Cooldog Teaches Typing!
Tipying.. Tip-typing~! Press any key Boop I’m legitimately out of breath *Mark cringes at the sound of Cooldog’s “voice”* Ahh… Oh Start by typing my name, huh? You’re Cooldog. You’re Cooldog? *with disbelief* You..you? You’re Cooldog With the Miranda Sings style lipstick You’re Cooldog? And you put it in your eyes, too? *sounds painful* You’re Cooldog Seem pretty cool to me Ah.. Bu.. *stares confused at the screen* Wha..? I’ll just call you student? My name is… Bumblefuck (#BUMBLEBUTT) is what I was gonna.. type.. *not surprised* Oh.. Your typing per second will show up here Do I need to type real words or..? Wa..? I… AAAHHH *randomly smashes the keyboard buttons* agh~ agh~ Is that going up any higher? Oh geez. Oh geez, okay I don’t think I had any effect on that Oh geez *chuckles* Oh Gooood *laughs* Oh nooo Oh we’ll see how much better you’ve gotten later Ooookaay *still cringing at cooldog’s voice* Oh! Over to your office. I don’t know what.. Oh God, where am I?! Oh G.. ah.. *cringes some more at cooldog’s amazing voice* Oh Maybe you’ll be… Okay.. Look down at your computer to start a lesson Wwwooow! If you want to take a typing break you can go up outside Make yourself at home *uncomfortable* Okay.. I feel like I was thrown into a situation that I was not prepared for My typing skills… *gets interrupted by Cooldog* I’ll get to it in a second, I need to talk to my peeps out there (we love you too, Mark) So. If you are lost, me too! Ah. I guess I’m gonna learn typing from Cooldog I, I got it. Oh God, what happened to my hands?! Fucking hell! What.. Wa.. Typing can be hard, this is an easy lesson. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT KEYBOARD??! Just type what’s on the screen and try not to hit any extra keeeys With your paws, I do that all teh time. Don’t worry… Typing isn’t so hard and can actually be..
*Mark messes up the word* I’m sorry.. *retypes the words*
eh..eh.ehh Let me just smack my hands on the keyboard! Eh…Eh..Uh.. Eh..Agh.. Oouuuiiiiaagghhh *omg cool dogs eyes* Ok, hang on.. *erases the randomly typed text*
Alright, hang on… I’ll just do this.. Woooah Be.. Whoops, it’s all in caps lock.. be really fun once you
*messes up again* ooooh urdurdur you get good at it. The quick brown fox jumped over the cool dog.
You’ve maybe heard that one before. Cool story that fox was actually my roommate in college. Nick soomething. Good movie actor. I am way too busy teaching and planets and computer files?? Whaa? ..to be in movies. Back to oh to the lesson. You are dooo ugh doing good, only 155, oh no,
you sack of shit. Ok, so eventually, that’ll be correct. Finishing le oohh lessongs will unlock harder onnnnes. Okay good, good thing I put the the zeros in there Check your score and see how good you are
at the end of every lesson. Okaaay, we’re doone,
you can stop typing nnnow. Cool. Egh *Mark throws his hands into the air like he’s a kid who just won some candy* That’s not baad, but you still goofed z.. OOOOHHHH *well done mark* YEEAAAHHH! I goofed ZERO tiiimes!
Heeeell yeah. *zooming on cam* Heeeell yeah.
*cam starts dancing along the screen* Heeeell yeah! Home row *disturbing computer noises* Well if that isn’t the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Another lesson coming right up! This time we focus on the middle homerow of the keyboard Man, this is going back to my
Mavis Beacon 5th grade days *chuckles* Try using your back paws! Okay.. The middle keys on the.. *messes up* oh fuck.. on the keyboard are called the.. *again* hooah.. the homerow. They are eeeasier to tyep because they are so biiig. Some exampless are A F K.. uh.. K S.. ah.. L and hpflr..fr Words like Batman! are.. ooh.. are impossible.. oh, hi!
Oh my God!
*zooming on the Batman Cooldog* Hey! Hi! This will be covered in another lesson. Thanks for stayuiing to learn about the normal homerow keyboard Welcome back, puppy! ..boards. At this pace
you’ll reach yellow-belt typer in no time. Good job. HUUZAAHHH! Woah! Heheeey, alright! *chuckles*
Okay! I was pretty fast! It was pretty fast! How about you put those typing skills
to the test and help me look some stuff up? Okay.. *cringes at the sounds from the game*
I feel like I’m gonna hear that in my nightmares tonight *probably* Alright! After that last lesson I had some computer questions to search. Help me go through my notes. Okay.. I don’t even know if i should be reading that when he’s meh-maing through. (yes, you absolutely should) Human paws are called hands.
They have up to 5.. uhhh.. fingers each and 27 bones. Hands are good at holding and and pressing.
Some words that hanv hand in them are: HAndy, hAAAndwriting, hAAAndiwork,
hAAAndle, hAAAnbag, hAAAndsome, hAAndball. Fingerprints are all different just like the *chuckles*
just like buttsmells. AH YESS! GOOD OLD BUTTSMELLS! Hand Moo-moo-movies: Hand, The Hand,
Cool Hand Luke, ooh, Edward Scissorhands Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phandom (ayo) Menace A hand riddle “Handsome Handsel Handson… *various error sounds* OOP ooh boy.. handed a handful of haaaa Handlebars.. ah.. handily to handy chandler chandelier”
DONE-DIDDLE-DIDDLE-DOO! Here we are! You are now a typing..
I know, I know. Goodbye for now. Wait, whaat? *NO DON’T LEAVE US* Cooldog! COOLDOG! NOOOO! Don’t leave me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *zooming on cam, Mark is shocked* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Mark screams NOOOOOOOOOOO and OH GOOOOOD and dances like in the intro dance break* UGH.. *Mark is trying to breathe normal again*
Ugh. I feel like this game is taking a lot out of me So anyway, I guess I’m all done here. We did-done-did learn how to type and
THAT was pretty important for everybody and everyone saw how many mistakes
I make in my general typing career But either way, I hope you enjoyed that.
If you want to learn how to type yourself,
go down in the description, learn! And as always, I will see YOU in the next video!
BUH-BYE! *outro music and cooldog’s crazy eyes*

David Frank