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Nieuwe voetbalregels – Zondag met Lubach (S07)


Now, we are going to talk about sports. Tom? Dione? No? Okay, then I’ll read it myself. Led by Marco van Basten, soccer… is experimenting with new rules. because, it has to stay interesting for the new generation. Because imagine that less people would watch soccer… and that they would read a book or something, can you imagine! When PEC plays tie against Willem II and nobody would know! Before you know it, it will go extinct, just like dodoball. Oh, that was so much fun, so weird that it isn’t played anymore Recently, a few new football rules were tested during a practice match Well, what has changed? The free kick does not have to go to a teammate, but you can dribble away with the ball yourself. And, instead of throwing in the ball, you can kick it in. Wow! the throw in is going to be a kick in. Holy shit! well , I didn’t like soccer before, but now I’m going to watch everything! Doesn’t matter what. Antwerp against Naples? I’m there! Van Basten also wants players to whine less at the referee. because the referee doesn’t like it. If they’re cursing, swearing and such. The referee also liked that during that practice match. Good evening gentlemen J*sus, what a circus guys G*ddammit Good thing that the recording stops here, because after this he says: ‘We’re going to turn it into a cancer good match.’ (cancer is Dutch swearword) With all those new shitty rules. Well, cointoss first. Choose.’ “Typhus head or whore tails.” Anyway, no throw in but kick in, playing a free kick to yourself That gets us nowhere So: we made up some more radical adjustments… …and our reporter Tex de Wit went to test them. Yes, that’s right Arjen. That’s why I’m a guest here at FC Abcoude. A big player in European Soccer. at least, if you don’t follow the news And their second team is prepared to find out… … how we can make soccer attractive again That’s why I have some new rules here. Alright guys, glad you wanted to test this with us This is in the interest of soccer, you guys know that We are going to go through some rules. Are you ready? To enhance the speed of the game… … there will be an extra ball added to the game unexpectedly. Attention! Extra ball! Attention! Ball three! Ball four! Attention ball five! Five balls is perfect, I think. Five or six. Attention! Ball six! Soccer could be more social. That’s why from now one everyone is obligated to cheer when there is a goal. including the opposition, and the referee Everybody has to go crazy Soccer is a teamsport, we will emphasize that Every players of a team will have to hold hands during a match To make the game more intense, handball is allowed Though when you are making a handball you are obligated to… … apologize Oh! Sorry! Sorry! My apologies! A good fake is pure art So when I hit the gong in a second… … everybody on the field has to perform a fake And when I hit it again you can continue To make communication with your teammates more challenging… … everyone’s name is Jacco from now Me too? Yes, you too, Jacco Look at Jacco! He’s free! Cover Jacco! Wall, four men! Jacco, Jacco, Jacco and Jacco – Jacco!
– Yes?
– Yes? No, this isn’t going to work. Well, this was our experiment. There are definitely a few great ideas involved. Ideas that could save soccer. Marco, call me This was Tex de Wit from Abcoude. I want to go home. I mean, back to the studio Thank you!

David Frank

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